I'm a ball of nerves.

We arrived at the hospital and I was so nervous I almost forgot to pay for our parking in the UCSD parking structure. Les was more level headed and reminded me so we took care of that before finding our way to admissions. The admitting clerk was convinced I had only paid $122 of my deductible, and I know bloody well I had to pay $500 before my CT scan so I met the deductible. The $122 is the portion my insurance paid out for the $325 test so I should have a credit. They wouldn't admit me until that was sorted out, so we had to sit for 40 minutes until they got ahold of my insurance company who confirmed I had paid $500 and met my deductible. This was NOT what I needed on top of already being over the top anxious about surgery.

We found our way to pre-op admitting at last and I was pleasantly surprised to find that they had a private room for changing rather than a curtained area with a gurney. I changed out of my buttery soft grey shreddie Melos (they sort of look like cigarette ash) and my comfy top and into their ginormous gown and ugly tan grippy socks. I had gone commando and sans bra since I knew I would have to take them off anyhow. I would rather not lose nice lingerie and wouldn't want to wear old lingerie to the hospital anyhow, so commando it was. My vitals were taken and the initial admissions questions addressed, after which they started my IV. I have small veins and am not an easy stick so I suggested he put in a 20, which is big enough for surgery but small enough for my veins to take without blowing. In went an 18, and to my surprise, there was virtually no pain at all. One hurdle crossed. Les waited with me for about ten minutes and then we had a tearful goodbye as I was popped into a wheelchair to head off to preop staging.

I met with the pre-op nurse, expressed my wish to avoid an intra-op catheter if possible (I got the mother of all UTIs after my last intra-op cath), and also mentioned that morphine doesn't work for me for post op pain, but does give me a rollicking good case of urinary retention. They gave me a TV remote to watch TV while waiting for the anaethesiologist, surgeon and circulator. There is nothing on at 7 am anyhow, and I was far too keyed up to watch anything so I sat there wishing dearly for some versed. I met with the anaesthesiologist, got my questions answered and concerns about nausea and post op morphine addressed as well as being briefed on the agents he would use for me. All is good. Can I have some Versed now?

Met with the surgeon and his entourage of residents and interns and was marked. He gave the intern grief since her mark was rather more central than to the right and the plan is for a right hemithyroidectomy and isthmusectomy, with possible total thyroidectomy depending upon how things look in there. Met with the circulator. Can I have Versed yet? Got unhooked from the IV for a last minute potty break to hopefully avoid that catheter. NOW can I have some Versed? I could have used it an hour ago. They hooked me back up to fluids (hmmm...they use blood tubing. I certainly hope I don't need a transfusion for this!) and it hurt like a son of a bitch when they flushed the IV. Versed please? The line is still patent. Nancy came by from PACU since she works there as well as at the Kaiser Zion PACU and it was VERY good to see a familiar face. She was a blessing for a little bit until anaesthesia showed with my very much welcome 2 mg of Versed. We wheeled down the hall, though several sets of doors and into the OR. I scooted over to the table and they started getting me strapped down. The show is on the road. The next thing I know, I vaguely remember someone starting a new IV on me and someone saying that we needed it now because the IV had blown. After that, oblivion and no more nerves.

S-day is here! Time to have my thyroid out at last...

After a couple of biopsies and doing some research, I settled upon Dr. Weisman of UCSD to do my thyroid surgery. He did a CT scan a few weeks ago that showed at 40% occlusion of my airway, explaining the strangling sensation I've been complaining about for quite some time. It also impacts my swallowing, so I'll be glad to have it out though I'm ridiculously nervous about surgery itself. I know I'm healthy and a low risk candidate, but I'm afraid of dying during surgery and I'm just not ready to stop living yet. I feel like I've started to hit my stride and I have LOT more living to do.

Yesterday I worked, then came home and changed for dance class. I normally take all three of Sabrina's classes, but I ran out of energy after two and a half hours and bailed on the last hour in favour of getting something to eat. I fired up Garmin and the closest Indian restaurant was in the Gaslamp. As expected, there was NO parking in the Gaslamp, so I headed to Hillcrest instead. Wonder of wonders, I found parking within thirty seconds of arriving in Hillcrest, AND even better, it was across the street from an Indian restaurant. I had decided I wanted Indian food in case it was my last meal. I had lamp saag with palak stuffed parantha and galub jamun for dessert. Diet be damned. I also had a half a beer. I just couldn't finish it though the amount I had did help somewhat with nerves. I drove home, chugged water until midnight, showered, washed my hair and braided it wet to contain it for surgery, and packed the things I wanted to take to the hospital for my overnight stay.

Its now just after 4 am and I'm reluctantly awake and getting ready to head out. Poor Les worked all night and got his boss to let him leave a little early so he could take me to UCSD this morning. The plan is for him to stay with me but he just suggested coming home to sleep and them coming back to the hospital after surgery to see me. I couldn't help it, I burst into tears. I do NOT want to be alone waiting to go back to surgery.